How long does menopause last?

Perimenopause (when symptoms start) can last several years. Menopause itself is one day, 12 months after the last period. Some symptoms like joint pain and vaginal dryness can continue after menopause ends, but treatment helps.

Should I tell her she's being irrational?

No. Never. Hormones are causing mood changes, but she's not irrational. Saying this makes things worse. If behaviour's affecting you, say: "I can see you're struggling. How can I support you?"

For most women, yes. HRT is safe and effective for treating menopause symptoms. The GP or menopause specialist discusses any personal risks. Don't discourage her from considering it based on outdated information.

She says she's fine but I can tell she's not. What do I do?

Try: "I've noticed you seem tired/stressed/not yourself lately. I'm here if you want to talk." Then leave the door open. Don't push. Sometimes just knowing you've noticed helps.

Can menopause cause relationship breakdown?

Yes. Research shows menopause can strain relationships significantly. But with communication, patience, and proper support, many relationships come through stronger. If you're struggling, seeking help early (counselling, her seeing a specialist) prevents small issues becoming big ones.

What if she doesn't want to talk about it?

Respect that, but keep offering. Say: "I'm here when you're ready to talk." Sometimes people process things in their own time.

Will our sex life ever get back to normal?

It can improve significantly with treatment. Vaginal oestrogen treats dryness, HRT can help libido, and as symptoms settle, energy returns. "Normal" might look different, but intimacy and connection can absolutely return.

She's angry all the time. How do I cope?

Set boundaries calmly. "I understand you're dealing with a lot, but I need us to communicate respectfully." Encourage her to see a menopause specialist, mood symptoms respond well to treatment. If you're struggling, talk to someone yourself.

Supporting Your Partner Through Menopause: A Practical Guide

How to Support Your Partner Through Menopause Transition

She snapped at you this morning over nothing. Last night she kicked off the duvet three times, soaking the sheets. You asked about sex last week and she just looked exhausted. Something's changed and you're not sure what you're supposed to do about it.

Menopause. That's what's happening. And yeah, you want to help, but nobody's exactly handed you a manual.

What Your Partner's Actually Going Through

Bottom line: Menopause symptoms affect daily life, relationships, work, everything. It's not just hot flushes.

Your partner's hormones (oestrogen, progesterone, testosterone) are dropping. This causes physical symptoms you can see and emotional ones you can't. Up to 80-90% of women experience symptoms. Some get a few. Others get hit with loads.

Common symptoms affecting your relationship:

Hot flushes and night sweats (she's boiling, you're freezing)
Mood swings, anxiety, low mood
Exhaustion (proper bone-tired, even after sleeping)
Brain fog (forgetting things, can't concentrate)
Low libido
Vaginal dryness (sex can hurt)
Irritability

These aren't personality changes. They're hormone changes. Massive difference.

Symptoms can last months or years. Perimenopause (the lead-up to menopause) can start in the early 40s and go on for ages. Menopause itself happens when periods stop for 12 months, usually between 45-55.

Your First Action: Start Talking (Takes 5 Minutes)

Do this today:

Step 1: Pick a calm moment. Not when she's dealing with a hot flush or rushing out the door.

Step 2: Say: "I've noticed you've been [struggling with sleep/feeling tired/not yourself]. I want to understand what you're going through. How can I help?"

Step 3: Shut up and listen. Properly listen. Don't try to fix it immediately. Don't say "everyone goes through this" or "it's just hormones."

Step 4: Ask: "What would make things easier right now?"

That's it. Four steps. Five minutes. Communication is key to supporting someone through menopause.

Why this matters: 38% of partners feel helpless when supporting their partner through menopause. You're not helpless. You just need to know what she needs.

Practical Ways to Help Right Now

Actions speak louder. Here's what to do:

Tonight:

Sort the bedroom temperature. Keep it cooler than you'd like. Layer up if you're cold.
Get a fan for her side of the bed.
Buy spare sheets. Night sweats drench bedding. Having backups helps.

This week:

Learn about symptoms. Spend 15 minutes reading the NHS menopause page. Knowledge stops you taking things personally.
Take on extra tasks when she's exhausted. Don't ask "what can I do?" Just do the dishes, sort the laundry, handle dinner.
Stop commenting on mood changes. She knows she snapped. Hormones are doing this, not her.

Regular check-ins: Ask "How are you feeling today?" Not "Are you okay?" She'll say yes to that even when she's not.

Offer to attend appointments: Say: "Would you like me to come to your GP appointment? I can take notes." Don't push if she says no. Just offering matters.

Why partners matter: Research shows support from partners makes a real difference to how women experience menopause. You being there helps.

Supporting Her Through Intimacy Changes

This is where it gets tricky. 51% of women say menopause has affected their sex life.

What's actually happening:

Vaginal dryness makes penetration uncomfortable or painful
Libido drops because of hormone changes
She's exhausted all the time
Body changes affect confidence
She might feel less attractive (even though she's not)

What NOT to do:

Don't pressure her for sex
Don't make jokes about her symptoms
Don't say "you're not interested in me anymore"
Don't take it personally

What TO do:

Talk about it: Say: "I've noticed we haven't been intimate much lately. Is that because of how you're feeling physically? What can we do differently?"

Focus on non-sexual intimacy:

Hold hands
Hug her
Cuddle on the sofa
Give massages with no expectation of sex

Address the physical stuff: Water-based lubricants help with vaginal dryness. Available from any pharmacy. No prescription needed.

Vaginal moisturisers (different from lubricants) can be used regularly, not just during sex. These help restore vaginal moisture.

If dryness is bad, she can get vaginal oestrogen from her GP. This is a cream, tablet, or ring that goes in the vagina. It's safe and specifically treats dryness.

Give her time: Physical arousal takes longer during menopause. More foreplay helps. Be patient.

Reassure her: Tell her you still find her attractive. She might need to hear this more than usual.

Sex might be different for a while. Different doesn't mean worse. You're figuring this out together.

When to Suggest Seeing a Menopause Specialist

Your partner should see a specialist if:

Symptoms are affecting her daily life
She's tried things herself (exercise, sleep routine) and they're not working
She's considering HRT but wants expert advice
Mood symptoms like anxiety or low mood are severe
Symptoms started before age 45

How to bring it up: Say: "Your symptoms sound really tough. Have you thought about seeing a menopause specialist? They have specific training in this stuff that regular GPs don't always have."

Don't say: "You need to see someone." That sounds like she's broken.

Offer practical help:

Find menopause specialists on the British Menopause Society website
Offer to book the appointment if she's overwhelmed
Go with her if she wants (many do want support)

What treatment might involve: HRT replaces hormones and helps with most symptoms. Hot flushes improve within weeks. Other symptoms take a few months.

Not everyone can or wants to take HRT. Alternatives exist including CBT for mood and hot flushes, vaginal treatments, lifestyle changes.

Treatment isn't instant. It takes time to find what works. Your support during this trial-and-error phase matters.

Looking After Yourself Too

You're affected by this transition too. 28% of partners report having arguments because they don't understand what their partner's going through.

Your feelings are valid:

You're allowed to feel frustrated
You're allowed to miss physical intimacy
You're allowed to find this difficult

What helps you:

Talk to mates: Chances are, other partners are going through similar. Having someone to vent to (who's not your partner) helps.

Set boundaries: If she snaps, it's okay to say calmly: "I know you're dealing with a lot, but I need you to not speak to me like that."

Make time for yourself: Keep doing things you enjoy. Go to the gym, see friends, maintain your hobbies. You can't support her if you're burned out.

Consider couples counselling: If communication's broken down or arguments are frequent, talking to someone together can help. Relate offers relationship counselling throughout the UK.

Get educated: The more you understand, the less you'll take personally. Read reputable sources like the NHS and British Menopause Society.

What Gets Better

This phase doesn't last forever. Symptoms do improve, either naturally or with treatment.

Many couples say their relationship actually got stronger after menopause. You've navigated something difficult together. That builds resilience.

Physical intimacy often improves once symptoms are managed. Some women report feeling more confident and liberated after menopause.

Your support right now sets up how you come through this together. Small actions (listening, being patient, helping practically) accumulate into massive support.

Your Next Step

Do this today: Have the five-minute conversation. "How can I help?" That's all you need to start with.

Then pick one practical thing from this article and do it this week. Sort the bedroom temperature. Buy lubricant. Find a menopause specialist in your area. Taking action shows her she's not dealing with this alone.

Menopause is a transition, not an ending. With the right support (from you, from healthcare professionals, from treatment), women navigate this and come out the other side. Your role matters more than you think.

DisclaimerAt Voy, we ensure that everything you read in our blog is medically reviewed and approved. However, the information provided is not meant to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. It should not be relied upon for specific medical advice.

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